2 Days

I’ve basically gone about this whole thing all wrong. Maybe it’s alright. It’s probably strange to say this but I feel led to document this meeting? Would you call this a meeting. Virtually our paths crossed. Looking at the online profile he’s 6’2 glasses very kind just a genuine smile and something says maybe he’s too good. He looks vanilla. I’m probably going to eat those words one day but I feel compelled to share all of this. I feel I am a very private individual who keeps their cards close to their chest because the past has given me every reason to feel I am judged by the people around me. I show any vulnerability and its used against me.

I’m laying in bed, I’m actually texting with another person. I’m burned out on meeting mediocre people. I’ve read all the books on dating. I’m to a point I stop being exclusive. I take the stance from the power of the p…. Don’t give all your energy towards one man, have multiples lined up so that you don’t show one man too much intent and interest. I am a one man kinda gal. I want to be so totally invested in my future husband. I pray for him, I have prayed for him since I was very young. I’m not perfect I can’t say that I pray for him every day. I have lost faith some days along the way doubting if he will ever come. I’m so far from perfect and incredibly thankful for His grace.

Laying in bed I was conversing with several individuals when he offers to call. I’m kind of paranoid mess about giving out my number when someone asks early into the online dating process. (Insert crazy dog park story). He offers to call using the dating app and then I’m locked out of talking to anyone else until our conversation ends. I’m 1000% okay with once he starts reading. He’s got a very kind voice, good energy. But. But. The story is vivid. It’s dark. I’m so confused, torn, and drawn in all at the same time. I listen intently for the 40 something minutes this man just pours himself out to me or he regurgitates the pouring of his heart that he documents previously. He asks my opinion and I tell him my thoughts. I was so tired but I was sucked in and energized by the idea that this intellectual man had written this. It’s like my own private Audible subscription. If the first chapter has anything to say or to show this man is the next thing. Like the next big thing.

We disconnect from the dating app phone call and exchange numbers. Being the gentleman that he is he wants mine so he can properly call me. I have no hesitation. He stay up talking for several hours. I am to a point I am so energized from the stimulation of quality conversations I can’t sleep but get off the phone for it’s one am and I have to be up at 5:30 and normally my body wakes me at 4:30. I’m overstimulated and lay in bed for a while before placing my weighted blanket on my body to desensitize. This man could be the one. I’m just tired. I’m going to rest and slow down. It’s just been one story. One night, a few hours. I haven’t know him for two days.